Umm...

Well... I thought I had something to say. I really did, but now that I sit down to write it, I can't think about what I was going to say.

I guess I should start with the basics.

My name is Sarah Alice... or Alice... or SA... or Vegetables. I don't really know. Nothing seems like it fits me anymore.

For a while, I was Sarah Alice. I've gone by that my entire life. I love the name to death. It's unique--you don't meet many people in Oregon who have a double name--but not so unique that people look at you and say, "Isn't that the name of a foreign country in Asia?" when you tell them what your name is. It's very easy to nickname. (People call me SA, my initials. Lexie spells SA out, even, and she gets Essae.) It's a great name.

But the thing with Sarah Alice is no one gets it right. In their narrow little minds, it can only be either Sarah OR Alice, not both. I hate it when people get my name wrong more than anything. When I went into high school, I just went by Alice.

Alice is SUCH a strange name.

Well, not strange, exactly. Everyone has heard of it. Everyone knows how to pronounce it. Everyone knows how to spell it. It seems like a common name, with Alice in Wonderland and Twilight and all, but I've only actually ever met two people named Alice before. One of them was my grandmother--my namesake--and one of them was a girl at camp. It doesn't exactly seem like ME but, since I've gone by Alice, neither does Sarah Alice.

And then Vegetables... Oh dear. My freshman English teacher gave me the nickname Vegetables because my full name--sorry, peeps. Not writing it here--is a combination of three first names so he wanted to call me Alphabet but he couldn't because he had another student he calls Alphabet, so when he thought of Alphabet he thought of Alphabet soup, and then he thought of Vegetables because there are vegetables in soup.

Clear as mud?

Don't worry, no one understands his trains of thought, though he was the best damn teacher I've ever had.

Is it a little odd that I'm fifteen years old and that I can't tell you what my name is with any certainty?

I thought so.

I thought that now would be an important time for me to keep a blog. I'm going into my sophomore year and I have about three (give or take one) friends who go to my school: Zoe, Emma and Peyton.

I've known Zoe since the fourth grade. I love her to pieces. We've been through so much together, in the past six years: death, heartbreak, unrequited love, Bat Mitzvah, freshman year... everything. She's not exactly my best friend, but she's pretty high up there. She's my common sense friend. Most people call her a prude, but, really, being a prude isn't a horrible thing. It just means she's not going to have sex until she's DEFINITELY ready... and that she won't do stupid things that will end up fucking up her entire life. It means that she'll enjoy her life more because she's smart enough to make the decisions to do so.

I've known Emma since about a year ago exactly, I think. We met at Zoe's birthday party one year ago. We have had our disagreements, but she's great to talk to. She's funny. She's not exactly goody-two-shoes (like me :P) but she's not exactly rebellious, either. She does skip class sometimes, but she would NEVER get wasted at a wild party. She does try her hardest in school and she takes pride in her work, but she is willing to forsake homework so she can hang out with a friend. She has fun, but she also has judgment. I like that about her.

And then there's Peyton... who... I'm not entirely sure if she's a friend or not. We ate lunch with each other every day for a year. We had four classes with each other a day for a year, but we never really clicked. As far as I know, we have one thing in common: We want out of the clique we used to be part of.... well, the clique that I've already broken out of. I'm sure she's going to have a harder time breaking out because she's a whole lot nicer than I am. Peyton is a great person. She has her head on in the right place but it's still really awkward to be around her. We have the same conversation over and over again. ("Hi, how are you?" "Good! You?" "Great!" *awkward pause* "How's your boyfriend?" "Good! We hung out yesterday and my dance teacher walked in on us kissing. How embarassing.") Our values are so different. We don't have much in common at all. Who knows. Maybe she'll surprise me. Maybe we'll have classes together next year and maybe we'll get to know each other better.

Don't get me wrong... I do haev more friends. They just don't all go to my school. Most of my friends went to my middle school: Lexie, Emily and Miles. I just wish they all went to my school because, really, that would be a perfect group of people if Lexie, Emily, Miles and I just hung out every day durring lunch.

This year is going to be an adventure. I'm going to find myself. I'm going to find a group of people who I fit in with; who I have things in common with.

Something is going to happen next year. I don't know what, but whatever it is, it's going to rock my world.