Hear all the bombs fade away.

Today, Emma brought Zoe, Killian (Emma's friend from childhood... Wish I was that close to MY friend who I knew when I was three) and I to a Decemberists concert. It was amazingly fun. Amazing energy. Amazing music. Amazing rootbeer float. Amazing everything. I think it brought me to a high without drugs.

Don't you just love that feeling?

It's the feeling I get after I've played violin for a few hours... like, not practicing but just PLAYING. Playing my heart out. Putting every single oucne of energy into it. It's like I'm above everyone else.

Okay, that definitely sounds like a natural high without drugs.

I'm compiling a list of things that make me high. You should make a list, too, if you're commenting.

• Playing violin like I don't give a shit.
• Crying.
• Having a good time with friends.
• Rocking out.
• Dancing like I don't give a shit.
• Writing like I don't give a shit. (Okay, that just makes me feel like whatever emotion I'm writing, not necesarily high. Yesterday, or the day before, I was writing a scene based on my most embarassing moment. I was cringing for hours.)
• Art.
• If I do it right, excercising.
• Play fighting.

So what makes YOU high?

I was interviewed on a blog!

Click here to read it!

You should follow his blog, by the way, because he is so awesome.

People who I admire

I guess that if I'm going to find myself, I should find qualities in other people that I really admire.

1. Emma Watson. Okay, not EXACTLY Emma Watson, but the entire Harry Potter cast. I admire them because most people who become famous over night at age 9 are destined to become druggies, pregnant or just not good role models. Look at Lindsey Lohan. She made it big on the Parent Trap when she was young and you hear stories of her getting wasted all the time. The Olsen twins became famous on Full House and one of them developed an eating disorder. The Spears (oh god... the Spears) just look at THEM. PERFECT example of teenagers becoming famous. They are just messed up. But, really, if you look at Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint, none of them have gone wrong. Daniel Radcliffe went on Broadway, which shows A LOT of commitment to acting. Emma Watson has plans to go to a university in America so she can do something with her life, despite having more money than she will ever need to live off of. I haven't heard much about Rupert Grint, but you don't ever hear about him doing things that would fuck up his life. They have kept their heads through everything and they haven't fucked up their lives yet.
2. Margot. Margot is my violin teacher. I love her so much. Right now, she is struggling with stafe four lung cancer. (She's never smoked before. How fucked up is that?) She has to have oxygen put into her body with tubes to avoid suffocation. She is bald (well, her hair is growing back. She switched treatments) because of various treatments. She is very self concious about all of this but, despite all of this, she somehow manages to smile. And laugh. And joke around. Even though she is dying, she is able to look on the bright side (hey, chemo therapy means you don't have to shave your legs!) and be happy.
3. Olivia. Olivia is a friend of mine. We have known each other since sixth grade but didn't really become friends until this year. I really admire her because she is so true to herself. She dresses however the hell she wants, not worrying about brands or what other people will think. She puts SO much into her art forms. She is a performer. She sings. She dances. She acts. She's a slam poet. This isn't unusual, but she puts a shit load of energy into all of it. When she's on the stage, you feel like you're watching her soul. She honestly puts everything into it. She is able to be herself and let loose on stage.
4. Miles. Miles is my sixth grader. I kind of see him as half little brother (who, unlike my own brother, I actually have things in common with) and half best friend. Miles is so true to himself and so innocent. Like Olivia, he doesn't give a shit what other people think of him but he's also so innocent. Ever heard the Robert Frost poem Nothing Gold Can Stay? (Winter's first green is gold, nature's hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower, but only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down today. Nothing gold can stay.) Miles is the true definition of gold. Even though he has been in middle school for two years, he is, for the most part, uneffected by all of the drama. He just continue sto be his little Miley-Bear self in the midst of a hurricane.

I can't think of anyone else right now.

But you tell me: What do you admire in people?

Umm...

Well... I thought I had something to say. I really did, but now that I sit down to write it, I can't think about what I was going to say.

I guess I should start with the basics.

My name is Sarah Alice... or Alice... or SA... or Vegetables. I don't really know. Nothing seems like it fits me anymore.

For a while, I was Sarah Alice. I've gone by that my entire life. I love the name to death. It's unique--you don't meet many people in Oregon who have a double name--but not so unique that people look at you and say, "Isn't that the name of a foreign country in Asia?" when you tell them what your name is. It's very easy to nickname. (People call me SA, my initials. Lexie spells SA out, even, and she gets Essae.) It's a great name.

But the thing with Sarah Alice is no one gets it right. In their narrow little minds, it can only be either Sarah OR Alice, not both. I hate it when people get my name wrong more than anything. When I went into high school, I just went by Alice.

Alice is SUCH a strange name.

Well, not strange, exactly. Everyone has heard of it. Everyone knows how to pronounce it. Everyone knows how to spell it. It seems like a common name, with Alice in Wonderland and Twilight and all, but I've only actually ever met two people named Alice before. One of them was my grandmother--my namesake--and one of them was a girl at camp. It doesn't exactly seem like ME but, since I've gone by Alice, neither does Sarah Alice.

And then Vegetables... Oh dear. My freshman English teacher gave me the nickname Vegetables because my full name--sorry, peeps. Not writing it here--is a combination of three first names so he wanted to call me Alphabet but he couldn't because he had another student he calls Alphabet, so when he thought of Alphabet he thought of Alphabet soup, and then he thought of Vegetables because there are vegetables in soup.

Clear as mud?

Don't worry, no one understands his trains of thought, though he was the best damn teacher I've ever had.

Is it a little odd that I'm fifteen years old and that I can't tell you what my name is with any certainty?

I thought so.

I thought that now would be an important time for me to keep a blog. I'm going into my sophomore year and I have about three (give or take one) friends who go to my school: Zoe, Emma and Peyton.

I've known Zoe since the fourth grade. I love her to pieces. We've been through so much together, in the past six years: death, heartbreak, unrequited love, Bat Mitzvah, freshman year... everything. She's not exactly my best friend, but she's pretty high up there. She's my common sense friend. Most people call her a prude, but, really, being a prude isn't a horrible thing. It just means she's not going to have sex until she's DEFINITELY ready... and that she won't do stupid things that will end up fucking up her entire life. It means that she'll enjoy her life more because she's smart enough to make the decisions to do so.

I've known Emma since about a year ago exactly, I think. We met at Zoe's birthday party one year ago. We have had our disagreements, but she's great to talk to. She's funny. She's not exactly goody-two-shoes (like me :P) but she's not exactly rebellious, either. She does skip class sometimes, but she would NEVER get wasted at a wild party. She does try her hardest in school and she takes pride in her work, but she is willing to forsake homework so she can hang out with a friend. She has fun, but she also has judgment. I like that about her.

And then there's Peyton... who... I'm not entirely sure if she's a friend or not. We ate lunch with each other every day for a year. We had four classes with each other a day for a year, but we never really clicked. As far as I know, we have one thing in common: We want out of the clique we used to be part of.... well, the clique that I've already broken out of. I'm sure she's going to have a harder time breaking out because she's a whole lot nicer than I am. Peyton is a great person. She has her head on in the right place but it's still really awkward to be around her. We have the same conversation over and over again. ("Hi, how are you?" "Good! You?" "Great!" *awkward pause* "How's your boyfriend?" "Good! We hung out yesterday and my dance teacher walked in on us kissing. How embarassing.") Our values are so different. We don't have much in common at all. Who knows. Maybe she'll surprise me. Maybe we'll have classes together next year and maybe we'll get to know each other better.

Don't get me wrong... I do haev more friends. They just don't all go to my school. Most of my friends went to my middle school: Lexie, Emily and Miles. I just wish they all went to my school because, really, that would be a perfect group of people if Lexie, Emily, Miles and I just hung out every day durring lunch.

This year is going to be an adventure. I'm going to find myself. I'm going to find a group of people who I fit in with; who I have things in common with.

Something is going to happen next year. I don't know what, but whatever it is, it's going to rock my world.